The Art of Comparing

Monday, August 5, 2013

Ever since I was little I have spent way too much time comparing myself to others. I have no idea why I do this to myself. It uses up so much energy and is such a terrible thing to do. I have found myself wishing I was more athletic, in better shape, craftier, smarter, prettier, more musical, funnier, etc, etc. 
Sometimes it makes me wonder where society has developed this sense of the ideal person. Why are some people so inconsiderate and unkind to those that don't fit the perfect mold? Why can one comment from someone stick with us for years and years? 


When I was little I was constantly teased about having a long neck. For years I tried to change my posture so that it wouldn't look so long. I'd hunch my shoulders and bend my chin down.
I was also teased for being skinny. The words, "Don't you ever eat?" "You're too skinny" and "curvy girls are prettier" always made me feel terrible. I have tried anything and everything to gain weight and nothing works and I have pretty much grown to accept it by now.

I have also felt really insecure about my skin. It is definitely not flawless. Ever since hitting puberty I have had terrible periods. TMI? Sorry. Because of that I have been on every hormone, pill, injection, etc to try to make things more tolerable. Because of that my skin freaks out. Painful hormonal acne on my jawline and neck has caused me way more tears than it should. I would call off plans, cancel dates, and put off running errands out of embarrassment. 

Now in my adult years it drives me nuts that I am still comparing myself to others. I realized how caught up in it I was when I went with my husband on a business trip to NYC. I was surrounded by successful women who were really making it in the business world. I felt like I was surrounded by power couples. Wives going to law school, medical school, excelling in the business world, etc. I hoped nobody asked me what I was doing because I felt insignificant. I didn't want to say that I was finishing up school online in a family oriented degree or that I went through a master aesthetician program. It wasn't prestigious enough and that really bothered me. 

blogging is such a wonderful creative outlet for me it has also caused me to spend way too much time criticizing myself. Sometimes people tend to glamorize life and it can really make you feel like you aren't doing enough. Anytime I have tried to DIY it ends up in the garbage, I don't have new trendy clothes and outfits, I don't cook incredible meals every night, drive a fancy car, or have an eye turning fabulous home. In reality I wear jeans and a t-shirt every day but Sunday, almost all of our furniture is used and doesn't match, most of my meals are thrown together and super basic, and I certainly do not have perfect hair and makeup done every day. 

What I have realized is that this is my problem. Not anybody else's. It is up to me to change my way of thinking and to gain some confidence. I should be proud of the things I have accomplished. I should be confident in who I am both physically and mentally. I have found the less time I spend focusing on myself and comparing myself the more time I have to improve myself and improve my relationship with God. When I focus on serving others I think less about myself and in turn I am much happier. 


What do you do to focus less on yourself and focus more on others? What has helped you overcome this problem? 

26 comments:

  1. I do the same thing! But you're amazing and we all love you!

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  2. I feel you on this! Especially in the blogging world!! I feel like people always want to put their best face forward but when you're blogging you can REALLY choose to only show the good and refuse to post on trials, mishaps, etc. and that glorifies these strangers lives for all of us readers which, for me at least, results in a HUGE inferiority complex! It's blogs like yours, where there is sincerity and honesty and ups and downs and all arounds, that I really connect to. It just feels more... genuine.

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  3. Kelsey, you are such a sweet and kind person. Everything that you are and are not, makes you the unique person you are!!! If everyone was crafty, an amazing cook, or into fashion...then life would be boring. I love reading your blog because you are straightforward and honest, not many blogs are like that so it is like a breath of fresh air when I get to read yours! Keep your chin up, with your gorgeous elegant ballerina-like neck ;)

    Bri
    breezydaysblog.blogspot.com

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  4. I used to feel like this growing up. There was this one girl who seemed to get it all.. No matter what she entered she got. However, those things rarely matter anymore. I don't buy a lot of clothes, because I'd rather spend my money on travel. I don't drive a fancy car, and have the same one since I had since high school. Between the scenes, people may be in debt and trying to keep up with the joneses.

    I always am judged or feel like an oddball, because I have a master's degree and have no plans on using it. Not all of my classmates are, but it seems like people look at me weird because I am not. I'm pursuing other interests and people say, you can go back to it, etc. I'm like no, I am not interested in. I already feel like I wasted my money, and when people comment, I feel like it even more.

    Here's a quote that I like... "Don't compare your chapter one to someone elses' twenty."

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  5. I can totally hear my own thoughts reflected in this blog post. I have so been there. Embarrassed about my career or lack thereof should I say. Feeling like others were smarter, more talented and doing more then me. And the thing is. A lot of them are. That's the reality of it but the big thing for me was learning to be okay with myself. If you are okay with yourself and what you are doing then you don't care that much about what everyone else is doing. I have come such a long way in overcoming my own self doubts. Some of that is just age and settling into myself more.

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  6. Great article! I think everyone feels like this in one way or another, trying to fit into that 'perfect' mould. It is hard to not compare yourself to others, but I always try to think that I judge myself more than others will judge me, because they are all too busy judging themselves.

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  7. i think you've got it right...losing yourself by serving others always brings happiness and you don't have time to fret over the other insecurities. You know what I see when I read your blog??? I see a beautiful, bright, fun-loving, generous, smart, and sweet daughter of God. I think most of the time, we would be shocked at how great of light other people see us. Chin up girlie!

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  8. This is so hard and I've totally been there and still go there. It's hard not to compare ourselves! I wrote a blog post about this same thing (http://aleshadian.blogspot.com/2013/06/comparison-is-thief-of-joy.html) and I try to remind myself that I am unique, my experiences are unique and as long as I'm trying to do my best things are good. It's definitely hard to look around and see what everyone is doing with their lives (especially in the blog world and with all the social media we have) and try to remind myself that their lives aren't perfect either. I think it's just something you have to take day by day and be proud of yourself for what you have done. It's so hard!!!

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  9. What a great, honest post. I'm 99% sure that every.single.female struggles with this comparison problem. Even all those "power couples" and executive women most likely felt insignificant/unpretty/not as successful as another...I just bet you a lot of them compared themselves to you, thinking "I wish I had her body type," or "My smile is not nearly as beautiful as hers." :) You are super gorgeous, and I like that your furniture doesn't match and you keep meals simple. The older I get, the more secure I am in my choices, my looks, my decorating, my style. You have a great attitude, so keep it up!

    XOXO,
    Meredith

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  10. With blogging, I found myself comparing myself to others. I wished, and still do, that my living room had gorgeous frame collages and that I could simply whip up curtains for all windows in our house. But I also found that way of comparison to be draining. It made blogging this game of keeping up with the Smiths and that's not why I enjoy it. I had to take a step back and reevaluate what I wanted to get out of this experience.

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  11. It was my case when I was in highschool, and just like you I was super thin, and everybody kept telling me how much I was disgusting. It's only growing we all accept the way we are and learn what really is important in life :)
    Good luck darling!

    (¯`·._.·Nymphashion·._.·´¯)
    (¯`·._.·Nymphashion FB·._.·´¯)

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  12. I was actually thinking about this yesterday. How I sit and compare myself to others, when in all reality I know that I can name things about myself that I like.
    I agree that some bloggers make their life look like a fairytale but then again would we want to read it if it was a downer all the time and they were complaining about fighting with the husband again last night. :) haha. but I know how you feel girlie. Life is good. We just need to see that instead of the good in someone elses life.

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  13. I am a people pleaser - I am big into giving to others!

    xx
    Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  14. This is such a fabulous post. I made one just a couple days ago of a re-post about comparing. You should seriously go check out the quote there by Uchtdorf. It is AMAZING. Anyways, I think all women struggle with this at one point or another. And to be honest, I'm jealous of your body :) So don't ever be insecure about it. You're beautiful & have so many people including myself look up to you more than you realize. Love you Kels!

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  15. This is what I like about you - you are real. And I appreciate that there are others in the world who attempt DIY projects that end up in the garbage. Me too! Thank you for your honesty. I love everything about you!

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  16. I love the honesty in this post and can relate to it fully. Me and my life are very basic in every sense and sometimes that really bugs me. I read an article recently that talked about how women are suffering from Pinterest, feeling like they aren't good enough, crafty enough, not a good enough mom or wife. It's awful.
    Thanks for putting this out there for us, it's always good to know we are not alone :)

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  17. kelsey! i think you're so perfect and beautiful and i would KILL to have your neck! :) i know we have discussed this before in person (and i know i still compare myself, too) but those girls aren't real. i used to get so frustrated with myself when i would read about other people's fantastically flawless marriages. i was embarrassed to admit that garrett and i fought or that some days i thought it was just really hard. but then i started opening my eyes to the real marriages around me. the ones i could witness in real life and real time. and i found out that everyone bickers. everyone argues, even. couples get frustrated with each other. and everyone who is honest will admit that marriage, though wonderful, is hard work. some days really hard. i'm rambling. but the point is-all of that time i spent comparing my marriage to the perfect, shiny marriages i read about on blogs wasn't helping at all. not even a little. and all of that time i spent worrying and comparing and judging myself could have been spent doing a thousand other things that would improve and uplift me rather than make me feel defeated.
    you're great, kelsey. absolutely great. and i'm SO glad we're real life friends now. <3<3<3

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  18. I feel like you just went into my brain and pulled out all of my own thoughts and feelings. down to the painful periods, too skinny, acne, blogging stuff. for.reals. I totally and completely understand how you feel and I know I compare too too much in my life as well. it has become so destructive and depressing that it affects my relationships around me. this is a good reminder for me that I am in control and I can choose to accept my life and be happy or give into the negative thoughts. I'm glad that I'm not alone in those thoughts as well.... if you ever feel those feelings creeping up again write me and we can talk about it together!

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  19. I understand how you feel on this one! I do the same thing but I have been really trying to work on it too. Thanks for sharing!

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  20. this is a touchy post and it's one a LOT of women can relate to - one of the best things my husband could have told me is that confidence is extremely beautiful. That helped a lot with me! good post! I've missed reading your blog but I took a blogging break, that's why....glad to be back.

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  21. Don't be down on yourself. We all compare. I know I always feel insignificant around well educated women. I never finished my degree at Northeastern, and I totally feel like I'm inadequate. I know I'm not but it's so hard for us women to not feel that way. You are beautiful! Remember that :)

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  22. I have heard so much on this lately and once again it's still so refreshing to hear!:) You are totally right and just beautifully put. Confidence is lovely- keep up spreading the blessing of these words lady!

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  23. Well Kels, I will tell you it took me till I had my little babies. That finally got me to the point where I told myself I HAD to have complete confidence in myself because I didn't want my children growing up with a mother who looked down on herself and compared herself to the other moms. I hope that you can find it sooner because life is so much easier when you just don't care about other peoples view of you and you only care about Heavenly Father's. Love you!

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  24. You put my thoughts to paper so eloquently. And reminded that it is "my problem", not everyone else's. It's up to me to change me! Thanks for the wake up call!
    E
    http://bearikarose.blogspot.com/

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  25. I totally feel you on all of this. I can be super insecure. And for some reason, blogging brings it out royally! The reason I started blogging was because there were so many bloggers I could relate to, but then again, people have certain gifts and qualities that I just don't have, I so of course I compare. I think I am learning recently to focus on thanking God for the things I do have, which leaves me with less room to look at the things I don't. At the very least it leaves me more at peace : ) But it's still so easy to get lost in! Thanks for the reminder. Honest posts like these are so helpful!

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  26. What a great post! Thank you so much for sharing. I definitely struggle with this too... I think we all do to some degree. I don't think you have a long neck at all! Although I've heard the skinny thing before, specifically from my grandma :) I struggle with being jealous of other people's money. But really, I have all that I need, and I've very thankful for it.

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