In-laws

Friday, July 12, 2013

As some of you may now I am a marriage & family major. It seems to me that the issue of getting along with in-laws is huge. It is brought up in almost every one of my textbooks and in many of the articles I read for class. I feel like I don't know too many people that really don't get along with their in-laws. Of course there are differences between your families and you have to get used to that and that can take some time.

In my own experience I actually really love these differences. I can learn different things from my parents and my in-laws. While many people suggest that it is best to live far away from parents and in-laws I have found it to be a blessing to live relatively close to my in-laws. It has given me a great chance to get to know them better. I love spending time with them and have really grown to love them as my own family. My favorite thing about my in-laws is that they raised my husband to be who he is today. I can never thank them enough for that. As dorky as it sounds I tear up just thinking about that. I am still blown away by the magnitude in which he cares and loves me. It is such an unconditional love and it blows me off my feet every day. If you are struggling with the relationship with your in-laws one thing that you need to remember is that they raised your spouse to be who they are today. For that you can always be eternally grateful. What an amazing gift!

One interesting thing I read in the article says that it can help you to create a closer bond with your in-laws if you call them mom and dad rather than their first name or Mr and Mrs. This is one thing I have always struggled with. I never know what to call people. It started when I was little and would play at a friends house I never knew how to address the parents. So my question for you is how do you address your in-laws? Did you ask what they wanted to be called? Did you just do what felt natural to you? I think it would be really interesting to know the many differences.

17 comments:

  1. I call my in-laws by their first names and so does my husband (he calls my parents by their first names). Honestly, that just works for us. I don't have the best relationship with my in-laws (most of my friends wonder why I even talk to them, they have had their bad moments). I personally couldn't call them anything else, although it does seem like a good idea to call them mom and dad to form closer bonds. It makes sense, but in my own case I don't think it would help much. Plus, we've been married for five years now and it would just be too weird. :)

    That seems like a really cool major! What are you planning to do when you graduate?

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  2. In-laws are hard for me. My husband and I come from very different cultural backgrounds, and I think that's created an extra challenge for me trying to become part of their family. But I have hope that the relationships will grow in the years to come. As for what to call them...I don't think I've ever really called them anything. I've gotten pretty good at avoiding that...

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  3. I've seen this discussion a few places, and I'm always curious about people! For some reason it's weird to me when my friends' spouses call their parents mom and dad. I just call my in laws by their first name, and it's never seemed weird to me. :P

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  4. I call my in-laws by their first names (although my mother-in-law has a nickname that everyone...and I mean EVERYONE calls her by and has for years). I have a fantastic relationship with my in-laws, I hit the in-law jackpot and I feel extremely blessed because I know a lot of people don't have a good relationship with their in-laws. It would just feel weird to call them mom and dad, they didn't raise me (but that's my opinion).

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  5. I wish I could call my in-laws by their first names but they would never stand for that. I am expected to treat them like they are my own parents, even though I do have parents of my own. I very rarely call them anything out loud, if I have to I say mom and dad, but if I'm talking about them I say your mom and your dad.

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  6. It's great that you have such a great relationship with the in laws. It's clearly often a sticking point for a lot of couples. Now and then when I have to "call on" mom in law I refer to her by name but it feels weird. I'm sure mom would feel weird too although I think she would like that. Father in law and I don't really talk so I haven't called him anything but if I did it would be first name. Interesting topic. That sounds like a very interesting major also.

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  7. hmmm this is very interesting. both ryan and i call our inlaws, gosh that is weird to word, by their first names.
    however, kind of weird, but for me anyones grandparents i just call grandpa or grandma, even if they aren't my own, guess im weird.

    K

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  8. I don't even call my own parents "mom" and "dad" so it would probably make me throw up in my mouth a little bit to call my in laws that. And to be clear, I have a great relationship with my parents, but I have always called my mom by her name (even as a little kid). And since my dad is actually my stepdad, it just makes sense for me to address him by his first name.

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  9. I've been dating my husband since we were 15 years old. (We're almost 30 now.) His parents had been together young -- also since 15 -- and my parents had been together young -- they met freshman year of college. When my parents had met, my dad's mother was diagnosed with cancer and quickly passed on. My mom resumed her role of college student and girlfriend but also helped take over caring for my dad's younger siblings. She was able to be extremely close to them and growing up, when I was really little, I never really understood who was biologically related to who because we were all so close. My parents were extremely welcoming of my husband and our relationship but were always very strict: no boys in your room, curfew, you can't drive with anyone, etc. Still, they were a huge source of support when it was apparent we were "the real deal" and going to be together forever. My in-laws didn't see it this way. They wanted my husband to play high school football and he didn't want to, he wanted to play guitar in a band -- so they blamed ME when he quit the team (because I liked music and am not a sports person). When he wanted to go to one college they didn't want, it was MY fault. When we adopted cats, they were MY CATS that I made him adopt. You can imagine what it was like when we got engaged (at 21, mind you) and married (at 23, after he had graduated with his master's degree). We purchased a house together and that, too, was negative. Everything was negative. It's to the point now where my in-laws have divorced and my father-in-law has come around and is a very important role in our son's life. For that, I am grateful. My mother in law lives 8 minutes away from us and has only met our 2 year old son about 5 times, and hasn't seen him in a full year. I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt me because, really, the whole thing is for no reason at all (are we still mad about the football team all those years ago?) and she won't even talk to my husband when he's not willing to crap talk me, which he isn't. It's been hard. I'm admittedly SO jealous of people who travel and vacation and visit with their in-laws and celebrate holidays together without sadness and stress! It's always been a huge dream of mine that will likely never come to fruition!

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  10. I call my in-laws by their first names, but I call my grandparents-in-law just grandma and grandpa. And I think it'll be easier when I have kids to just refer to them as grandma and grandpa when the kids are around. That way it sounds more intimate, but it's still not calling them mom and dad, which would be kind of weird for me I think.

    Loved this post!

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  11. I love this picture from your wedding and I hope I am that close with my guys family!

    xx
    Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  12. You can call me anything you want, Kelsey. You are not our daughter-in-law, but our daughter-in-love.

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  13. This is really interesting. I love the points you brought up. Your MIL's comment is precious, too. :)

    I'm not married, but I call my boyfriend's parents by their first names. It feels the most natural to me.

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  14. This is really interesting because I have thought in the future about what I would call my in-laws when I get married. I love the term "mother-in-love" but what I actually address them as I have thought about... I know I am not married but this was a really interesting post to think about Kelsey!! Thanks so much for sharing!!
    :) Rebecca
    p.s.- the picture is ADORABLE! :)

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  15. Interesting! I call my in laws by their name. Bryan and Pam, one of my sister in laws calls them mom & dad and it just doesn't seem natural. I love Bryan and Pam and I hug them and have long conversation with them, we have a great relationship. I go see them without my husband, Pam and I text, I mean we definitely get along. However, I don't see myself calling them mom & dad. J also calls my parents by their name Lisa & Tony, but they also have a very close relationship!

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  16. love this post! my in-laws are the best i could ask for, but even still it is not always easy to make the jump to a whole new family! thanks for all the good thoughts to remember! XO
    the well-traveled wife

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  17. love the post. good question. i am not yet married but i call his parents Mrs. J (first letter of her first name Judith) or Momma J or Ma. it really just depends. but this was after many years of calling her Mrs. Judith and Ma'am :)

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