Sierra Ainge {GUEST POST}

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I am super excited to introduce you guys to my dear friend, Sierra. We met in the fall of 2008 when we were freshmen at BYU-Idaho. We had most of our classes together, so naturally we became friends quickly. She teased me because I walked to our classes so slow, and I was always envious of her amazing long, blonde hair. So without further ado, here is the lovely woman herself!

Hello my dear friends!
My name is Sierra and I blog over at Oh, Just Living the Dream. When Kelsey and I talked about writing something for her blog, I realized that I didn't want it to be stupid. I don't like stupid things, ya know? Haha. I wanted to take some time on it, too. So, with that, I want to write about something very dear to my heart today. However, I must admit, that I do feel a little inadequate writing the things that I know to you all. After all, I am just a young woman, who has learned and fought just like so many of you out there. With that being said, I write...

We all know the word. We all know the feeling. We all know the pain, agony, and anxiety that accompanies this word. 
We wish we could flee it. 
However, it is a trait that each of us will feel at some point in our lives. We cannot escape it, unfortunately. 
So, then, how do you try new things without fearing the unknown? 
So often fear stems from insecurity in a situation. Whether it's a negative or positive, fear stops us from allowing change to happen in our lives; it stops us from living our lives. 

I have suffered from clinical depression since I was 14. 
And no, I don't write that statement above to receive pity. 
I write it because I used to feel as though my depression defined me; that it weighed me down. 
I allowed that depression to control my life. 
I lived in a constant state of fear.
I feared my potential. I feared my negative traits. I feared that I was never going to feel "okay."

And than, one day,  after hitting complete rock bottom, I decided that I no longer wanted to live my life in fear. 
What was the deciding factor? 
I realized that life was full of mistakes. I realized that I would fall. But I understood that not knowing what was going to happen in my future allowed me to continuously fix myself. 
Not knowing the future allows us to make those stupid mistakes and be able to get up the next morning. Not knowing where life will take us allows us to choose our own paths.    

Fear is, well, a difficult feeling to grasp. Being vulnerable is a difficult thing for me. (As I am sure it is for many of you).
I won't sugarcoat it, having fear is a messy illness (or whatever you want to call it). Maybe we can call it a trial? Illness has such a negative connotation to it, I know. Here's a little secret though: everything about fear is negative. Everything that accompanies fear: sadness, frustration, loneliness, lack of energy, irritability, lack of desire, selfishness, unable to feel in control, lack of confidence, distance, numbness, anger, etc. is in fact, negative. It is utterly debilitating; unexplainably destructive. 

Completely unable to deal with emotions through these difficult time bouts , I called my sister. Often times, talking is therapy. But, I attempted to hold it together as she validated every feeling that I couldn't seem to describe. "Think of it this way," she explained. "It's as if you have a constant bag of rocks on your back. You are, literally, carrying this burden with you every where you go."As I have continued to think of this metaphor, it only becomes more real. Sometimes, rocks fall out, or are even taken out from the Lord, and the burden seems to get lighter. But it never completely goes away. That bag of rocks is an ever constant load weighing me down. There are times, when the backpack seems to dissipate. I feel as though a burden has been completely lifted. I feel at peace. But, without fail, that bag of rocks returns. No matter what. It's a frustrating feeling, knowing that no matter what amazing decisions are made, fear reiterates its existence in my life. There is no cure for fear. We have all been here before. I know what all of this feels like. These feelings are nothing new. I feel like we should know what to do to make fear go away, but it doesn't work like that. Being a stubborn, driven and determined girl, I become frustrated as I watch that spiral fall into a deeper crevice. 
Fear makes us a victim. 
And who wants to be a victim?

So what do we do? How do we stop this "fear"? Here's the thing: You can't. 
You accept it.
You allow yourself to be scared. You allow yourself to take whatever life is going to give you. We are not perfect. So we do the best we can and then let the chips fall where they may be. Give yourself enough positive self talk, enough 

There are times when my heart literally feels as if it is breaking. Here's the thing though, friends: Some days are good. Some days are bad. Some months are amazing. Some months are awful. Some hours are wonderful. Some hours are hell. There is no black and white solution; I take my life as I am feeling then. That's all, really, I can do. 
Take things one day at a time. And that fear will slowly subside. I promise you.
Anything that is worth it in this life is hard work. 

"There's a peace I've come to know. Though my heart and flesh may fail, there's an anchor for my soul, I can say, "all is well." 
We jump, even when we don't want to. And that fear, one day, turns into wings that harbor freedom.
Allow yourself to fear. It's human. It's real. It's okay.
But don't allow that fear to stop you from living life. 


Come visit me over at my blog, y'all! I know that this is super deep and pensive and emo but I promise, I do write more than just stuff like this :) Ridiculous photos, hilarious comments (because I think I'm funny) and some controversial topics. Would love to have you! Thank you Kels for letting me overtake your blog today. Love you, girl! 

eloquent graffiti


  1. Sounds like a good quality friend! Will have to check out her blog!

  2. I love getting to know new bloggers, thanks for the introduction!

    Sparkles and Shoes


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