Big Ol' Dummy

Thursday, September 27, 2012

It's only been like a week since my last cardiology appointment where Dr. Hwang told me NOOO jogging, running, exerting yourself etc. So I go to the gym and looked at the treadmill. I know all I was suppose to do was get on that beast, walk for a mile and then maybe do some stretching, ab work, etc. Instead I jumped on a stationary bike and pumped up the resistance and pedaled my little heart out (literally) for 30 minutes. I took my heart rate on the convenient handle bar monitor things and clocked it at a speedy 190 bpm. So dumb. So I slowed down and got my heart rate down then walked out of that gym feeling frustrated.
I don't mean to be negative or pessimistic but sometimes it just helps to write things down. The rest of the day I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I woke up at about 1 am because my heart was racing and I couldn't get it to stop. I finally broke down in tears while my sweet husband just held me close to him. I didn't/don't understand why my heart does this. Why can't it just be normal? Why won't they just try doing the ablation again? Why is my heart so crappy when I'm only 22 years old? 
Someday I'll understand. Maybe things will get better and my heart will return to normal. My doctor said we would consider doing the ablation again when I go back in January. I know this is how things are suppose to be. I know that I will learn from this and be grateful someday. But for now it just stinks.
I get jealous watching other people sometimes. I want to be that girl running down a trail, biking for hours, taking fun fast paced work out classes, etc. 
I want to be strong, athletic, and confident in my body. Instead I feel like I'm trapped in this skinny, gangly, 110 pound body. 
I didn't mean for this post to be so negative, but honestly it really helped writing this all out. I just want to delete it and say I feel better now but I'm hoping this post will help someone out there.
So anyways, boo to atrial tachycardia. I'd be just fine if you would find your way out of my body :)


  1. I can't say I am that girl who wants to be exercising all the time haha, but I know it is AWFUL not feeling well and feeling like your health limits what you can do. Hang in there! Sometimes you definitely just have to vent too, even if it is to your blog.

  2. Erica-You and I can just vent to each other about health woes at all family functions haha!


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