Today I am feeling weak. I feel insignificant and unimportant. Why is it that we, especially women, are constantly comparing ourselves to others? It hit me today as I was studying for a test. Why can't I pass this test? I've been studying for it for months and months. I've taken it three and missed the acceptance rate by one question every time. I finally broke down today and just feel defeated. Why are some things so hard for me when they come so easily to others?
I tried to go birthday shopping for my husband today and had to turn around and come home after less than 45 minutes. My entire body ached and my stomach and back felt like it was being squeezed tight by a chain of barbwire. Why can't it go away? Why am I being faced with this trial? I've had it long enough. When will the pain go away? I never want to feel like I'm constantly complaining or being negative so I try to keep so much of it inside. When people ask how I'm doing or what I've been up to I just want to cry and tell them that every day I hurt. Every muscle throbs and I can hardly take it anymore. I'd be an emotional wreck if I did that, and that's the last thing I want to be portrayed as.
I'm unemployed right now. I'm in a transition stage of my life. I'm waiting to go back to school in May and continuously trying to study so I can get licensed and be done with my previous schooling. I feel like less of a woman that I don't have a career. I feel insignificant that I am not incredibly busy. Why is it that the world glorifies busy? I know that we need to be constantly engaged in doing good things but I feel like nowadays the busier you are the more important and the better you are.
Why do you think that the world glorifies busy? Do you ever feel put down by not being caught up in the race of life?