Honesty

I am getting married in exactly 1 month to the best man I've ever met. Today I am overwhelmed by a feeling of gratitude. I am so happy to be at this point in my life. It hasn't been the easiest road to travel but I am so glad that I am here. Sometimes things in life are tough, but they make us so much stronger. I know it sounds silly and cliche but it honestly is the truth. It is amazing how much a person can grow in such a short amount of time.

2 years ago I was newly divorced, 19, broken, and lost in this big world. Everything I knew was gone and my world was shattered. I was bitter towards anything and everything. I pushed everything I loved out of my life. I fell away from the Gospel, I pushed family and friends out of my life, and lost myself. I put a halt on school at that point. I worked for about a year while I figured my life out. One sunny morning in May I woke up with a completely new perspective on life. I made a ton of changes in my life that day. I decided to move to Provo, Utah and get a fresh start in life. This was when I developed my deepest love for the Savior. I have never felt so close to my Heavenly Father than at this point in my life.

I enrolled in an Esthetics program after discovering my love of skin care. I started going to a singles ward again, started dating, and opened myself up to new friendships. At first I had to force a smile. I was so scared that somebody would figured out my "secret." That first summer was really tough for me.

The next fall I moved into a different apartment complex. I had an amazing ward that was extremely welcoming and I made a lot of great friendships. My nervousness started to melt away and I opened myself up. Eventually my smile came naturally as I eased into this new life of mine. I was genuinely happy for the first time in a long time.

 I met an amazing guy who became my very best friend. We would sit and talk for hours, cook delicious sunday dinners, and best of all just enjoy each other's company. By February we knew we wanted to spend forever together. Because I had already been married in the temple we knew it could take up to a year or longer to get my temple sealing cancelled. My best friend and love of my life proposed to me on February 11th, it was the happiest day of my life thus far. The miracle of miracles happened at the end of April when we received a letter from Salt Lake telling us that we were cleared to be sealed for time and all eternity. Tears filled our eyes as he wrapped his arms around me. Life still threw curveballs our way. I was scared after what had happened in my past, but Tim stuck with me through it all.

I've had pretty crappy health pretty much the whole time we have been dating but he has been such a trooper and loves me anyways. He has been there through numerous tests, emergency room visits, surgeries and more. He has been so supportive of me and loves me unconditionally through all my faults and weaknesses. I seriously have no idea how I got so lucky to deserve this special guy. 

 I could never be more thankful for him.

I guess what I'm trying to say through this whole post is to never be ashamed of you who you are. For 2 years I have kept my past a secret thinking that if people found out they would think something less of me. I am who I am because of my choices, decisions, and my past.  I have learned so much and I will take my past experiences and learn from them and become that much stronger. Sometimes do I wish that things had happened differently? Of course. The fact of the matter is that it didn't, and now it's my choice and my responsibility to shape my life starting now.

If you've made it to the end of this post I congratulate you. Thanks for listening to my ramblings. Whether nobody, 1 person, or 100 people read this message it doesn't really matter. If you are reading and you feel like you can't show all of your true colors because of a dark spot in your past I beg you to let it go. Embrace who you are and know that your Heavenly Father loves you. He has always loved you, loves you now, and that love will never cease.

I'm a little nervous to post this blog but if it can help even one person it would be completely worth it. To all my friends, family, and future family. Thank you for embracing me, loving me, and helping me to find my worth. You mean more to me than you will ever know.